It is not easy to be a person of faith; though, if you examine our first two readings, you might think otherwise.
Abraham trusts in God so much that he is willing to head up the mountain with his son Isaac because he knows that “The Lord will provide.” And God does provide the lamb, sacrificed in the place of his child, in a scene that prefigures the Lamb of God, Jesus Christ, sacrificed will for all of the children of Abraham.
Saint Paul’s faith in the love of God in Christ is such that he can boldly proclaim: I am sure that nothing at all can separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.
There are certainly moments when my faith is rock solid, I’d like to think, like that of Abraham or Paul, but more often I do not have such clarity or such boldness. Those moments are moments of doubt. Doubt is something everyone has but nobody ever wants to talk about.
And so I ask: Is it ok to have doubt?
Some would answer, No, it is not ok to have doubt. I think its for this reason that many people claim that they never doubt. They will insist that their faith is rock solid. Like Abraham and Paul, who in difficult times kept firm and held fast, they never doubt God for a second. Doubt, is not ok, and those who doubt are not really believers because they don’t believe.
I think that answer is unrealistic and specifically for Christians, I think that answer is very problematic.
I think its unrealistic because I can pretend that I do not suffer from doubt and fear, but that doesn’t make those things go away. I’ve always been surprised that there are so many people who do pretend that they have no fears, no regrets, and no doubts. Not me: I have fears; I have regrets: I have doubts.
I think its fair to place doubt at the root of all temptations. Don’t you view doubt as the source from which every other temptation is allowed to grow and fester? I do.
That is why as a Christian, I think its problematic to dismiss the fact that everyone has doubts. Jesus Christ suffered just as we suffer and he was tempted just as we are tempted. If Jesus was not tempted as we are how can we claim at all that he suffered just as we did – mental anguish is at least as traumatic as physical anguish. Remember, it is Jesus who cried out, “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me,” right before he died.
One does not have to give in to doubt to be tempted by it, and it seems to me that once you do give in to doubt, it becomes so much easier to give in to everything else. To acknowledge something doesn’t mean you embrace it, it means you name it, you identify it, and you can begin to reject it.
Though I recognize that I have doubt, I try not embrace the doubts that I have; I do not like them at all, I am afraid of them, but I know that I have them, and following the example of the saints and of Jesus himself, I pray that I may not fall into temptation, so that I can say “No” to doubt and “Yes” to God.
I would be surprised to find out that Saint Paul, after his conversion, never had moments where his faith was weak. I would be surprised if Abraham walked up the mountain in complete confidence. Don’t you think he was probably praying desperately that the Lord would indeed provide?
Listen to the words of Saint Paul again. He is not blind to the difficulties of life; he does not speak from a place of assurance or ease. He confronts his greatest fears and doubts head on and names them one by one:
Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword? As it is written, “For thy sake we are being killed all the day long; we are regarded as sheep to be slaughtered.” No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am sure that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.
Lent is an opportunity to stop pretending that life is perfect. The music stops, and the singing becomes more difficult. The flowers disappear, and the church seems more imposing. The entire season begins with a reminder that you are dust and to dust you will return: life, which we all hold so dear, is not just fragile, but fleeting. Its not easy being human, its even harder being a Christian, and that is a fact that nobody can run away from.
This Lent, don’t be afraid to name those things that scare you. Recognizing doubt, suffering, grief, pain, fear and sin doesn’t mean you have to give in to them or be overwhelmed by them.
I don’t think its possible to really pick up the cross and follow Jesus if you are unwilling to name those things which are making it so hard to pick up the cross in the first place.
Pray to God to have the strength to see his love and light more clearly. Pray for God to help and support your faith. Pray that you will not enter into temptation. Know that as you walk through a life this is filled with uncertainty, suffering, and fear… you are not alone. Jesus Christ took up the same cross and he is walking beside you with all the saints.
And know that as he took up the cross Jesus conquered all suffering, he conquered death and has prepared a place for you in his Father’s house, where this no suffering, where there is no pain, and all of the doubts and darkness that torment us in life are dispelled forever by the light of Christ.
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